The Virtues of Donkey Konging

For some time now I have been exploring the idea of creating a journal that consists solely of emails I have written to friends. This would be a good idea because I write better when I'm writting to someone (in fact that's usually the only time I write at all). Perhaps these letters will give my future self insight into my present self. Here's a starter: (though it's been edited to protect the original recipient.)

I talked with a friend (I can safely say this for reasons explained later on) on the phone yesterday and she gave me my first introduction to the "two ladder theory" and its practical applications in everyday life. According to her there are two ladders a guy can be climbing in his relationship with a girl: the friendship ladder, or the possible material for dating ladder. Postulate: No matter how high you are on the friendship ladder, there is no donkey konging from one ladder to the other. It just doesn't work that way, though I'm not sure why. I imagine you would get hit on the head by a barrel or something. This of course is not the same for guys, who seem to only have one ladder as far as I know. It's an interesting if not a bit depressing (for some people I know) theory.

Then I read a short essay by Lewis on equality and inequaltiy in relationships. Here are his thoughts:

"The error here has been to assimilate all forms of affection to that special form we call friendship. It indeed does imply equality. But it is quite different from the various loves within the same household. Friends are not primarily absorbed in each other. It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up - painting, sailing ships, praying, philsophizing, fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction. Lovers look at each other: that is, in opposite directions. To transfer bodily all that belongs to one relationship into the other is blundering."

C.S. Lewis "Equality" from Present Concerns


Aristotle, too, claims that friendship must be between equals, meaning you can't be friends with your parents, or God, etc. These thoughts made me wonder whether or not a romantic relationship hinges on inequality one way or another. That could be one explanation for the fact that men usually marry younger women. Though of course women mature more quickly than men. I'm not sure where that puts us, but you don't necessarily need to hold me to this point.

The point is that Lewis was arguing for inequality with a simple comparison. Equality is the clothing we must wear after we have lost our innocence: necessary, though it is neither the first state or the highest good.

"Let us wear equality but let us undress everynight."

Donkey Konging is a registered trademark verb of KMW unlimited. All rights reserved.